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Lisa Anita Wegner

“I make stuff and sometimes write about it”

Category Archives: film and art

February 25, 2013 inHaus creative team & the Exhaustion Hole


this is what i need to make stuff

this is what i need to make stuff

dear exhaustion: you can be a bit overbearing, like a parent grounding me when i have to rehearse and perform the lead in the school play. i appreciate the message but sometimes i have deadlines. but you know what exhaustion?  i appreciate you telling me to ease off.  even though it took about ten people’s help and you didn’t go easy on me, i managed to get everything done,  with one day to spare.  by next week the reno on my space should be finished and that will be like heaven on wheels. greased lighting wheels.  right now i am living in a cloud of construction dust, workman, cables, floor glue, and fumes. unable to locate anything and dogs barking at every workman move. that’s exhausting on it’s own.

dear ice: please cut me some slack especially when there is water on top. you’re slippery and i’m tired. i can’t fall anymore so i’m just taking main road. thanks i know you didn’t mean it.

dear technology:  i want to thank you for being my in house creative team. thank you for  always being available to me and for knowing my own creative brain . without you i wouldn’t be so creatively free.

dear brain injury you are a worthy opponent: you can kick my ass any day. any stress (physical illness, tiredness, over working) is compounded exponentially from the divine straight to the ridiculous. the trick my body is to shut my cognition down one level at a time. so  when i’m exhausted  the world doesn’t make a lot of sense. numbers, letters, sequences, passwords, phone numbers, questions, lists, addresses all lose their meaning. i feel that people are asking me things but the signal is interrupted.  just general thought process becomes extremely difficult. an example:  a task that i do every day like brushing my teeth: find tooth brush, find toothpaste, put the paste on the brush, run under tap, brush rinse what now what? ok done. these steps become challenges in themselves. preparing my toothbrush can take twenty minutes and then i’m literally in tears from the effort.

so this gets tricky when i have to keep on top of deadlines. especially because my tricky brain is shutting down and my tricky body is also trying to stop me: shooting adrenaline like i have to fight a bear.  the general tasks to run a body (eating hygiene etc) take it all out of me.  this last month i had several screenings, an larger art/film/fashion installation is starting up production, i have art showing next week and a speaking engagement. my  biggest fantasy is a day off with no workman in my house. a sleep in without wild barking at the work. being able to go to a social event without falling asleep and being able to follow a conversation.  having appetite (my appetite drops out when i have symptoms) is appealing too.

but after what felt like endless dark tunnel of tired, today there was a crack of light. after doing a few tasks and then walking tanner,  i didn’t feel like i’d run a marathon. my brain wasn’t thinking through glue. my body is only aching a burning a medium amount!  and i don’t feel overwhelmed with every tiny task. ahhh a type of heaven. it’s not the coolest feeling needing to be taken care of: not very empowering. i needed to make sure i was fed and driven to meetings and then home again. it’s hard to ask for help, especially with the basics of living.

on a side note, i am chuffed that google has accepted my work space as a “living modern art museum”  and am continually glad despite my life being such a challenge by creative brain is on fire. writing this has been tiring but i did it.

for those who follow me on facebook you can see that the harder a time i’m having, the more creative output i have. i update there everyday http://www.facebook.com/lisaanitawegner here is some stuff that got me though the last weeks: mouth music mashup

come here me speak march 6th in toronto.  “How Art Saved My Life” this week: http://wonderwomenworld.tumblr.com/Wonderfest

i feel my thinking slipping and it goes quickly. so i will bid you farewell for now. it’s been nice to be able to talk like this.

special thanks to all those who have gone above  and beyond this last month. you know who you are. thanks for the help, the food and the drives and all the support.

i really couldn’t do it without each and every one of you.

yours till the usa drinks canada dry

lisa

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January 10, 2013 An open love letter

Dear You,

If you are reading this letter, it means that I had the balls to send it. So yay me. I realize today walking in the sun that I was going to write to you. I really don’t know how to say it, so I just will.

I have met someone.

I didn’t mean to, I wasn’t looking, it just happened. It was a perfect storm of connection. It feels big, like I have been grabbed by the heart and the brain and they have my attention. It feels like home. It feels like a tall glass of water to a parched mouth.

I realized stuff about myself: I prefer my shapes asymmetrical and my colours rich. I dig kindness and one on one communication. Meditating is my second favourite altered state and drinking coffee is my second favourite activity. I can’t get enough of hanging out with dogs and children because they are present and alive and understand the importance of fun. I declare myself a hedonistic nerd with a wild side and untamed creative drive. I trip all the time and bang into things- I’m awkward and enthusiastic. When I’m stressed I can’t eat and when I’m calm I can eat a lot. I can find myself and lose myself in my work and strive for excellent. Being in a good mood is a choice I make hundreds of times a day. I love sleeping, stretching and lounging. Authentic words, images and stories are my thing. I want to shave half my head and paint a mural on my wall.  I like some video games and can drink beer if there is Ginger Ale in it. Lord.  Me me me me. This letter is packed with self indulgent douchbaggery!

If my tongue in cheek isn’t clear: I am entering an intimate relationship with myself. I am going to practise the habit of choosing the best for me. And that is my new place of emergence. I think everybody  should snack on some radical self love and acceptance.

This post is an homage to Hank Moody’s letter to Karen in the second season of Californication. (I want to open the flow my creative tap and make/try/play with as many ideas as I can.  Blogging: where so much is written, yet so little is said. Written by so many read by so few.)

2013 is going to be the best year yet, I can feel it in my bones.

Unfaithfully yours, Lisa Anita Wegner

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December 11, 2012 nothing to see here

that kind of woman   and so the time comes again, the scotiabank nuit blanche art installation applications are due next monday at midnight. the exact minute that i will be doing my first live pixel painting projection at the drake hotel.  i am very much looking forward and here are the first images i have to show. i love being transparent with how my stuff comes together so i’m posting some steps of the work. i am excited to work with mr. brock mills at pixel flex and figure out the best use of the LED fabric. the idea really came to life when vanessa wishart of vicerra couture designed the gown for me. we will be making a patchwork of fabrics from other recycled gown and she captured the look i was hankering for. her idea to make it larger than life was when it was born.

this installation has morphed several times since it’s inception. originally called “marry the night” and then “i f##k like a man” i knew i wanted to play with the idea of the enormous fairy tale gown and i know i wanted to comment on my own sense of femininity. having been called a bad example of a woman and a bad feminist  i want to respond with this installation now called: “a woman like that “. with vanessa’s design, i thought i wanted to simplify the video content on the screen and decided to stick with representing myself through videos of different sets of legs. i am fascinated by how little you have to show to get a vibe, an image, a point across. i want to find the perfect legs/ shoes/ pants/ skirts/ walking attitudes for the video panel.

i believe i will stay with the soundtrack (those are speakers on the sides) “marry the night” by lady gaga. a mashup of the song, around lyrics and the low growling sounds.

i love the absurd, so the body proportions being off kilter struck my fancy. i am quite stoked to wear (or rather walk into) the gown. twelve hours is going to be quite something. although nothing compared to the great art installation at the moma “the artist is present”.

i am happy to have re-used my flight overalls from the film “from desert to dessert” (and my cowboy town boots from that same project) and add a gold belt and gold lettering as my costume/ uniform.  i have played around and preset my favourite effects for a good live art video hoedown for the aforementioned drake hotel event, elvis monday.

because of an unfortunate arts and crafts in my kitchen circumstance my hands and feet are covered with little cuts from broken glass. doesn’t affect editing or shooting but does hurt when holding dog leashes. sad face.

as i’m putting my installation together i realize i have to figure out how to edit video into unusual shapes and aspect ratios. hmmm, there is some noodling there. ow the glass cuts are bugging me. and so the working magic begins. i sound like an elf.

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here is a sample of my video pixel painting video link: beer store improv #2

yours until the usa drinks canada dry,

lisa anita wegner

September 5, 2012 rethink possible: as nuit blanche draws near

a migraine got me off track yesterday and unravelled my thinking by the afternoon. although i did get some sound creative work and some networking done early in the day. i am trying to get used to relaxing in to the cognitive unravelling and enjoy it. sometimes a few hours sometimes a few days- i am lost in the moment. now don’t get me wrong, i couldn’t be happier to have found the ability to live in the moment  that fully and now i have to blend that wonderful childlike space (which can be productive) with being reliable and deadline able. i realize this will be easier once i have more full time help again. having a place to work has really has helped and it will be christmas every day when I get back to my old production office life. i know how to streamline things now and i feel like my time will be so much better spent.

so this morning i felt clear, but my production to do lists were alphabet soup. i had a sense of the work i have to do. my next step is drinking water and i entered an online art contest- there is nothing like making a pixel painting to clear my mind. i entered a stock photo contest on deviantART.com. ok that is made and entered and i feel more clear.

last night after relaxing and a long walk, after not thinking about deadlines at all, i thought about my list and i had clear sense of everything i needed to do for the projects. simple avenues to get to the final product. next steps, who to talk to and what to do. alleluja. right now, not so much. but i know it’s there.

i just had an idea of how to keep the workflow going. i am going to think on it. i will meet with my PM sarah and download into her again to refresh and now i can give her financial info to keep things moving without me. and last time i did that i was very productive afterward. i think the human connection helps to ground my thinking. i have phone calls to make to schedule the last of my trauma therapy but phone calls are not the thing to move me forward right now. man. although i think i will drink another glass of water, stretch, look at my list so it can percolate and then procure some food. i’ll listen to some music and take it from there.

by the end of the day i will have accomplished some list items. i can smell it in the air and taste it my coffee.

lisa anita wegner

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March 18, 2012 animated me / discombobulation

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i am looking forward to the following things:
becoming more involved with the revue cinema society; my first gallery show; watching the rest of the prints be done; finishing post production on “one desert, two desserts” and seeing it on the silver screen; looking further into 259 mcdonnell as a shared studio and workspace; shooting something cool with carl elster and his wicked camera package; making my wife happy, getting my dog trim and fit; spending time with John Bertram; catching up on the post production of “plane crazy”; writing out the treatment for “my favourite mistake”; choosing a new inspiring intern; working more fully with arts planner sue edworthy; getting my first hdslr camera; getting a new macbook pro; and drinking the first delicious marbled cup of coffee of the day.

Amen.

October 31, 2011 being in a zoo/ the inspiration perspiration balance

his is a double blog post about the last two creative projects i was involved in.

how it must feel being in a zoo:

i had the pleasure of working as a performer with artist Kent Monkman for THE ART GAME,  an installation at the Toronto Art Fair. 
i played the most prolific artist in the world. the piece is a fun house with a side show feel. i was in a windowed room painting in a twelve armed outfit.
hundreds of people walked by the window in the time i was in there. and apparently if there is a piece of glass between audience and performer, the audience thinks you can’t hear them.


favourite overheard comments:
child: does that painter use all her arms to paint? father: (exasperated) people have two arms.
she’s not painting
she’s not real
she’s not dipping the brush
an hour ago she was a man
this is bullshit
i don’t want her to paint me
i don’t want her looking at me like that (I wasn’t even looking at that person)
bang bang on glass get to work
and the cake taker: a guy who started taking his clothes off and rubbing his nipples the evening of the gala. classy.
i’m making a little video about how it felt being in a box and watched. i’ll post it soon.
***
the inspiration perspiration balance:
i recently had the pleasure of working on a music video for Jane Siberry’s latest album the THREE QUEEN’S TRILOGY.
this was the first time i generated creative content -by myself- for a project for someone else. running my own production company i was usually the overseer of the creative and had the final say with the director. in this case, i did have the excellent Ingrid Veninger as creative consultant which was terrific. this was my first hands on everything gig and boy did i love it.
the video is comprised largely of pixel paintings and animation generated by laptop, which is under equipped for such endeavours.
i started pixel painting when i was recovering from illness, i came up with the process during my art therapy. when i experienced waves of anxiety i would pixel paint to calm myself down. i literally would sit down at my computer, go out of myself and make something without any deliberate thinking whatsoever.
so this art creation was a far cry from my usual film maker workflow. and i had abundant faith that it would work out, but i wasn’t sure how. especially with a ten day deadline.
to prepare i listened to the whole album and specifically the song WHEN WE ARE A VAMPIRE. when i felt ready i sat down an made something. something to send in. a starting point. looking back that first cut was pretty balanced and flowed okay but was entirely images of me. so i start afresh with some notes from Ingrid and some pictures of Jane.
the second cut and the third cut felt less inspired and less artistic. i didn’t like what i was making.
i lost the effortless flow when i had to factor in the other parameters. and then all of a sudden, my worked kinda sucked. so here i was three cuts later, with three days to deliver and i had nothing. so i guess this is what my panicking directors felt like. not being inclined to panic myself, i broke it down like i would for helping a director.
i made steps and i followed them myself. i listened to the music without thinking, i re-read all the notes i had from my other versions, and took some time away and stay focused and relaxed.
i sat down with all these elements in my head and i started. i came up for a breath and the cut was almost done. it was coming today. yeah! i sent it in and got positive feedback.
from there it was familiar again, taking notes and finessing. i did it! the video is being launched today on hallowe’en and it came together.
i once told someone we were a faith based company and they though i meant religious. but meant faith in the project and faith in the process. faith in oneself and faith in ones creative ability.
amen.

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